Wow, what a whirlwind of a couple of months it has been! After keeping it under our hats for what seems like FOREVER, we can finally announce that this October our family is growing! We found out a couple of months ago and as the world’s worst secret keeper, it has been killing me to keep it quiet! Which is mainly why you haven’t heard from me on the blog, because I knew I would spill the beans :).
Our announcement
If you know me at all, you know that I’m a planner. I have daily plans, weekly plans, and yearly plans. Financial, social, career, and basically every other area of my life that can have a plan, is planned in someway or another. Some people call it controlling, I call it being prepared.
When A.J. & I got married, we planned on having kids. We decided we would take 2 years to enjoy ourselves and get settled in to married life, and then we would have kids. We took trips, stayed out late on the weekends, and just soaked in the honeymoon period. About 6 months ago, we realized that the timeline we set for having kids was fast approaching, and decided that we wanted to hold off for a little while longer because we really loved our life exactly how it was. Don’t get me wrong, I caught a bad case of baby fever every time I saw a newborn in the grocery store, but deep down I just knew I wasn’t ready yet.
Fast forward a couple of months, we were getting ready to head out to Deadwood for a weekend getaway and I was staring at a positive pregnancy test. I had imagined it a thousand times about that day, and every time I imagined it I was excited and filled with joy. But on this day, I was filled with something completely opposite: straight up fear (okay, and a little shock).
God and I did a lot of talking that weekend. I was so frustrated that this wasn’t a part of my plan, and also felt completely guilty because of the many many women who wanted to be a mother so badly and here I was wishing it wasn’t me. I just kept thinking, “God, I’m not ready for this. Not yet.” But as the next couple of weeks unfolded, God did some serious work on my heart. He helped me realize the duty he was laying before me and how important it was for His kingdom to raise the next generation. He reminded me how His plans have never failed me, just as He has promised. And He helped me realize that no matter how grand my plans may be, everything in His divine plans are even greater than mine.
